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carry-on-my-wayward-butt:

charlesdutton:

my mom’s boyfriend is this 6’2 super buff macho dude with many facial piercings who enjoys death metal and i just came downstairs and found him crying because they had to put down a dog on animal cops

i like him

keep him

186,441 notes // reblog
dildorrito:

what’s the password

dutchster:

when you try to flick away a bug but it comes towards you instead

image

95,207 notes // reblog

celestia:

once i had a dream that my cat was working at mcdonalds w/ me and she had a lil uniform and she kept getting fur in the fries and everyone was yelling at me and saying “ur cat sucks on fries” and i was like “shes just a cat give her a break!” and i woke up crying

255,269 notes // reblog

beyoncescock:

almost 2014 and i still look like a piece of shit

19,742 notes // reblog
pizzasexuals:

what the fuh is fuh

seedy:

white girls


50shadesofyodaddysdick:

boyfriend: what’s for dinner?

me:

image

155,874 notes // reblog

You know what’s worse than slow internet?

image

No internet?

320,808 notes // reblog

primordialsandstonedevice:

aliens looking at the earth from space: what a piece of shit. lets bounce

32,524 notes // reblog